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  • Essay / Personal Growth and Development: My Journey of Self-Discovery

    Erikson's first stage conflict is trust versus distrust. During my first year of life, my mother told me that I was very clingy and dependent on her. I was the youngest of two children, so she had the chance to redeem herself from the mistakes she made with her first child. My mother was by my side every second of the day; there hasn't been a time when my needs weren't met instantly on demand. My mother and father both insisted that I was very spoiled as a baby. My requests carried by cries and outbursts were always granted without hesitation. Developing confidence was not a problem for me. My parents were never inconsistent or emotionally unavailable. According to them, I would only trust you if I received what I wanted in return. If I cried for toys or attention and didn't get it, then my cries wouldn't stop until the demands were met. If I was dropped off at the nanny's house and she didn't spoil me, I would cry until my mom came to pick me up. Sad, but true. They told me they regretted allowing me to be so spoiled at that age. Currently, I see how I have further applied this principle in certain ways. All my life I have been spoiled, whether from my parents or my romantic partners. Whenever I was upset because things didn't go as planned, I always received some sort of gift to cheer me up. I've trained myself to look at people and say to myself, "If you can't do anything for me, then I can't trust you or deal with you." » Why would I waste my time being with you if you can't do anything for me whenever I need it? I see that my spoiled ways haven't gone away, and it may never go away. Say no to plagiarism. Get a tailor-made essay on “Why Violent Video Games Should Not Be Banned”? Get an original essay The second stage of conflict is autonomy versus shame and doubt. This is the stage where children discover whether they can do things themselves or whether they depend on help from others. They attempt to gain more independence and control over the world around them. As I remember, my father told me that I was very stubborn. I always wanted to master tasks quickly and on my own. Potty training and getting dressed was no exception. They told me that once I started realizing that a clean pull-up was much less irritating than a dirty pull-up, I wanted to potty train. The feeling of self-control is a big part of my life today; However, I don't really know if it's positive or negative. I often tend not to ask for help and get frustrated when people step in to help me. It's not that I hate when help is offered, I just know that I like things to be done a certain way. There is a saying: “If you want something done well, do it yourself.” I hate having to depend on others, especially when I know they won't help me get the results I need if I just do it myself. The third stage of conflict is that of initiative versus guilt. At this stage, children are encouraged to explore and help them make appropriate choices. Play time is important at this stage because it helps children begin to plan activities, create their own games, and initiate activities with others. If done correctly, they will develop a sense of initiative and feel secure enough tolead others. On the contrary, if the initiative is not obtained, whether because of criticism or control, they will feel like a nuisance to others and will most often remain followers. My mother always encouraged me to make new friends and play with other children. I remember one day at the park she saw some children playing and kept urging me to start a conversation with them. I didn't have a chance to beat the initiative conflict. Part of it wasn't my mother, but rather the other kids and students who never liked me. They always made me feel like I was a nuisance and shouldn't be there. The consequences of this still show today. I'm twenty-nine years old and people still make me feel like I'm a burden to them. The guilt from this stage that has built up over the years still makes me slow to interact with others. The fourth stage of conflict is Industry versus Inferiority. This stage allows a child's peers to have a significant influence on their self-esteem by feeling the need to gain approval by excelling in different skills. Skills that society deems important will not be developed if the caregiver or teacher makes them feel inferior through lack of encouragement. This creates doubt and prevents them from reaching their full potential. During my interview with my parents, they told me that my skills were highly valued. I was an excellent runner, excelled at sports, and was extremely artistic. They witnessed my failure during the initiative conflict from the previous step and saw how it affected me. My mother said she remembered the days when I would go straight to my room and cry for hours after hearing the kids tell me I was boring every time I tried to make friends. She told me that was part of the reason she pushed me to manifest my hidden skills to the world. She saw potential in me that I didn't even know existed. Little by little, I began to feel competent and was accepted by my peers. As an adult, I feel like this conflict can be fifty-fifty. There are times when I feel competent and confident to lead. Other days I question myself and feel like I can't do things that my sisters or other people can do. The fifth stage of conflict is confusion between identity and role. This is the stage where we search for ourselves and our personal identity. At this point we are trying to figure out exactly who we are. I couldn't properly address this conflict. Deep down, I was always concerned about how others perceived me and I wasn't mentally strong enough to create my own identity without being based on the approval of others. I always had doubts about myself during this stage. An example of this was that I had difficulty forming and maintaining relationships. My mother remembered how she realized I was always hanging out with a new crowd of people, crowds she knew I had no business being around. She realized that I was very impulsive and unpredictable, all signs that I was struggling with my identity. My mother wanted to control me during this stage, but she thought it was best to let me find my own way. She feared this would cause a rebellion and that I would stray further. It wasn't until my junior year of high school that I learned to accept myself and develop a sense of individuality. I had fought to defend a group of people I wanted to fit in with. I found myself defending one of the girls in the group. I ended up getting attacked and this same person did nothing to help me. HAS.